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Help? Please, ring here!

You are searching for the “ideal” communication? There is none! Sorry!

If you are thinking about your own style you should consider that you need to think about the “context of the situation” and “personality of the involved parties”. Friedemann Schulz von Thun, a German psychologist, differs 8 styles of communication and interaction. In the next days I want to show you in my blog the different types and please, don’t try to force yourself in one of the patterns. Nobody is fitting in only one of the 8 styles

An interesting fact is, that every style has strengths and weaknesses but if you can figure out one as your major style you can get an idea of the direction for your personal development in communication. Anyway, look at the styles  with a bit of humor! I am absolutely sure you will identify one of your friends, co-workers, chiefs, mates etc.

The “helper” style

The “helper” represents himself as strong and resilient and provides others with help. He deals with the weaknesses and problems of others, he may be distracted by his own inadequacies and difficulties. The “helper” doesn’t like to face the weak sides of his personality.

Possibly, the “helper” was left alone too much in his weakness and need as a baby. To avoid the pain of that experience, he is doing a lot not to have his experience again. He is now displacing feelings of weakness and dependency. In addition, the helper experiences that he does not get for his weak, but his strong sides of love and appreciation.

To live out his helping parts or his character, the “helper” is searching for relations to “needy-dependents” (I already wrote about this style). The “helper” meets the “needy-dependents” in auxiliary jobs (nurse, medicine, social work). There is a risk that he will be complicit in the latent problems of these people.  People only need his help when they have problems. He could unconsciously motivate them not to get rid of their problems.

The “helper” has what the “needy-dependent” style misses: He has enough confidence to own responsibility for himself and others. However, he can have so much autonomy and responsibility that he denies his own neediness. Therefore the first development step is to recognize his own weakness and neediness, and in a second step to communicate to others, and might to ask for help. In contact with the “needy-dependents” the “helper” should learn to define himself internally, and trust them to do their own steps.